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• 310 Good jokes
• 960 Funny names

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NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO KEEP IF YOU'RE A NERD

-  I will not eat other animals' poop.

-  I will not lick my human's face after eating animal poop.

-  I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.

-  My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

-  I will no longer be beholden to the sound of the can opener.

-  Cats : Circulate a petition that sleeping become a juried competition in major animal shows.

-  Come to understand that cats are from Venus; dogs are from Mars.

-  Take time from busy schedule to stop and smell the behinds.

-  Hamster : Don't let them figure out I'm just a rat on steroids, or they'll flush me !

-  Get a bite in on that freak who gives me that shot every year.

-  Grow opposable thumb; break into pantry; decide for MYSELF how much food is *too* much.

-  Cats : Use new living room sofa as scratching post.

-  January 1st: Kill the sock! Must kill the sock !

-  January 2nd - December 31: Re-live victory over the sock.

-  The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.


AND the Number 1 New Year's Resolutions Made by Pets...

-  I will NOT chase the stick until I see it LEAVE THE IDIOT'S HAND

 
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